Its been a real long time since I've wrote anything on this thing...that gos for myspace facebook and xanga haha. Ive had very little time to write my thoughts on much for the pure fact i barely have the time to think. I got up and over the last situation in its entirety. I felt then that as strong as i had become from the events of my past that again someone came in and shattered me yet this the person did it intentionally. I felt as if my personal growth was being diminished in front of my eyes. However i now see that the situation only helped me grow further as a person. It helped me to see how critical Ive been in the past. I think your heart comes back beating stronger after its had the shit beaten out of it. That person is one i hope to never again encounter in my life. It is said that hatred is wrong but my heart is filled with nothing but hate for a person who could be completely cruel and uncaring of someones feelings. I have not heart or forgiveness for someone like that even if that person was seeking it. It amazed me how well i did moving past it. I've heard it said that if feelings you once felt come back those are feelings that never truly went away. How could I explain my feelings when i myself do not understand them? I don't understand how you can bare feelings for years...Through my maturing...Through my entire change as a person. I'm sixteen and I've felt such strong feelings since i was a thirteen year old naive child. There must be some meaning behind that. I've been though of as crazy for not moving on when in fact I've done just that. I've danced my way up and down the dating game and i can say I've come in contact with ALL sorts of guys. The Thug, The Skater, The Marine, The Surfer,The Biker,The Redneck,The Bad Boy, Now The nice guy. I cant even say the majority of them lasted a month. Those being in the past two years. The honest to God truth that i even am starting to believe i layed my emotions down far before i took a step on the playing field. I hope i have the strength to shake the feelings. This isn't the time or the place for history to repeat itself. I cant say on the future. I've repeatedly said i wont settle...i wont wait around...i wont go back although the ones that love me most fear it...I always will. Its the inevitable. Its the truth. I don't know where i am or where I'm going but i know where i was and what it all meant to me back then. This all being only feelings...feelings i wont act on. I would never come between true happiness for my own selfishness. I have such vitality running through me. Such thinking to do. Whats meant to be will. For The Record Im ashamed of the feelings ive bared for so long.

I will forever and always unconditionally Love you.