I Turned sixteen on the ninth. There isn't a significant difference. Since i was 13 I've anticipated the day. Thinking it would be a epic plunge into freedom. It may still be just that. My mind wasn't clouded with excitement the way i had thought it would be since i was a little girl. I suppose i let a person destroy my being ecstatic. My thoughts still remain negative filled with disappointment along with regret. I'm doing better about it all though. I'm breathing just fine. I met someone who with my like blinded eyes i saw a false side of. This side being what i felt i needed and knew that i wanted. I was betrayed by the true side of this person. Revealed at that moment was scum of the fucking earth that i had mistaken for an easy going humoring guy. It truly shattered me this i am ashamed by. I got demised i got played. It was either sink or swim from that moment. So i moved past it. The truth is i trust the people i want far to easily, I create a false image of someone else on my own, believe their sincerity with my whole heart. Therefor i am my own downfall. In the past situation that person being artificial from the start multiplied that false image. I've been every type of significant other that a girl can be. I've been that all to loving naive girlfriend who came out crushed. I've been that hurt all too harsh ex girlfriend playing the field and every thing that crossed it and then i was that ex girlfriend that became caught up in intense feeling on that field broken the second i dropped my guard. It takes me time to know if i care or if i don't but I've been nothing but honest and nothing but myself. I guarded my heart like some kind of castle I didn't let anyone in just because they wished it because after this all i know better than anyone, what happens when you get attached. Two completely different guys that's should be dead to me. How could i see the slightest bit of beauty in them. Simply because people don't fall in love with what's right in front of them the more unattainable, the more attractive. I'm so use to longing for rather than having the people i want. I know some day i will baffle the fuck out of all that's abandoned me. I've always been ambivalent. I cant choose on anything. So when i do its a very thought out decision. I hope they never are stuck with the pain they individually scarred me with although i know they someday will be. I have made many mistakes and could never offer anyone perfection, but love I've always offered just to have it slam me to the gravel. Age makes the difference. Think your a grown ass man? I don't see much of a man from where I'm at? Your actions have no justification. Your standing pretty tall for a coward.